Doing Nothing Is Doing Something

This is a picture of someone being extremely productive. You may not immediately recognise it as productivity because this is not what we were taught productivity looks like. But stay with me.

I work in wellness, which means I live in a world where we have somehow managed to turn even relaxing into something we should BE GOOD AT. We optimise our sleep, track our steps, schedule massages, count protein, meditate, stretch, do breathwork, take supplements, journal, dry-brush, gua sha and apply the serum in the correct order. We have morning routines and evening routines and Sunday reset routines. At some point, even TAKING CARE OF OURSELVES became another JOB TO DO.

And I say this as someone who has made a career out of taking care of people.

One of the strangest things that I've come to say regularly to perfectly capable grown adults during a massage is, “You don't have to help me.” It happens all-the-time. I lift someone's arm and they lift it for me. I move their leg and suddenly we're moving it together. I support their head and they hold it up, presumably in case I haven't quite understood the responsibility I've taken on.

“Let me have the weight. Let yourself be carried,” I say. They laugh, they relax (or so they think) and then, approximately thirty seconds later, they help me again.

I find this endlessly charming and considerate of the hard work I do, but I also think it tells us something: we're so accustomed to DOING that sometimes we don't quite know how to BE on the receiving end anymore. BEING in general becomes a riddle. Even lying on a massage table, with literally nowhere else to be and someone whose entire job for the next hour is to look after you, some part of you is still acting on — What should I be doing?

Nothing. That's the point. YOU — BE. ME — DO. 🦴 And I KNOW that this is so much harder than it sounds.

We have become very good at justifying REST by making it USEFUL. We rest so we can perform better tomorrow. We sleep so our hormones behave. We meditate so we're less stressed. We go on holiday to “recharge our batteries”. Even doing nothing needs a business case.

I hear versions of it in the treatment room all the time: “I really needed this.” “I've been meaning to book for months.” “I know I should take better care of myself.” There is often a little confession hidden in there, as though lying on a warm table for an hour requires some explanation. As though you need to have reached an ACCEPTABLE LEVEL of EXHAUSTION before receiving permission to stop. But we don't. 🤷

And I understand you all, because I do this too. There are days when I can happily spend hours working, organising, fixing, answering, planning and generally being a Very Useful Person, only to feel strangely guilty when I sit down in the middle of the afternoon and do absolutely nothing.

Why? Who is keeping score? Certainly not the cat.

The cat, as you can see, has understood something the wellness industry is still trying to package and sell back to us. She does not track her sleep. She does not feel guilty about lying down at 11:17 in the morning. She has never once wondered whether a nap is going to contribute to her long-term goals. She sleeps because she is tired, stretches because it feels good, eats when food appears and occasionally knocks something onto the floor for reasons known only to herself. She may be a more qualified wellness consultant than I am.

Somewhere during a massage, there is a moment when things change. The arm finally becomes heavy in my hands and the head stops trying to hold itself. There might even be that tiny involuntary snore followed by the immediate “I WASN'T ASLEEP” twitch. I know. Of course you weren't.

I love that moment, because NOTHING is being ACHIEVED here and now. And this is the whole point of what I do. 😊 There is no performance. For once, your body is not being asked to look better, move better, become stronger, burn something, tighten something, improve something or behave itself.

It is simply being allowed to BEEEEEEE.

I think that's what we're missing when we talk about self-care. We've made it another category of DOING. Another collection of things to get right. Another opportunity to fail before breakfast because everyone else has already meditated, drunk two litres of water, walked 10,000 steps and made overnight oats while you've been looking for your left slipper.

I am obviously not against taking care of yourself. That would be an unfortunate position for someone in my profession. I believe in massage. I believe in movement and sleep and looking after your skin and eating food that makes you feel good. I believe in doing things for your body. I just don't think your body — or your personality — should permanently be a project.

You don't need to emerge from every experience IMPROVED. You don't need to turn a walk into cardio, a bath into a ritual, a holiday into a reset or an afternoon in bed into “nervous-system regulation” for it to count. Accept that an afternoon in bed is just an afternoon in bed.

So I don't have five tips for resting properly. That would rather defeat the purpose. There is no protocol here, no optimal duration and definitely no morning routine attached.

I'd be happy if I could simply notice the next time I feel I have to earn my right to stop. Or the next time somebody is quite literally holding the weight of my head and I am STILL trying to help them. (Yes, I'm that person too!)

The bed can stay unmade. Let the cat win.